It was my idea to do a Hawaiian-themed barbecue (nobody wore anything remotely Hawaiian but I passed out some leis made of tiny shells). I realized that I didn’t have anything in my closet Hawaiian-ish, and after a disappointing run to the thrift store I decided to just make my own Hawaiian-print dress. I went to the fabric store, and on the discount table BOOM! There it was!

hawaiian dress
The perfect tacky Hawaiian print fabric, and with sunglasses, no less. I glued some sequins on the front of the dress to amp up the cheese factor.

sparkle neely
During the barbecue no photos were taken of me (one of the problems with being the photographer), so I had the Boy photograph me in the house after it was over. My expression here is ridiculous, but just look at that sparkle!

butterfly forehead
The ol’ fake butterfly tattoo again, and using the “underwater” setting on my camera which produces that fabulous amber glow and cancels out the gnarly dark circles I have under my eyes.

I’ve had the song “Red, Red Wine” rotating in my head for two days, thanks to setting Pandora to reggae the other day while I painted. Speaking of painting, I have some stuff to list on Etsy. I’m awaiting the massive check that the buyer of the flapper painting is supposed to send me. I’m trying not to be too excited in case he flakes out. I’ve had several fake-out buyers. Comes with the territory I suppose.

Some photos from our barbecue on Sunday:
flower child
Aw, little Ronia.

team spirit
The Boy and Jerry manning the turntables.

kyle's tats
The Boy’s cousin Kyle’s various tattoo work, courtesy of the family tattoo artist.

knife tat
Although I really like the family tattoo artist’s work, I don’t think I’d go to him for my tattoos. His work is a little too bold for my taste.

space needle tat
His tattoos are instantly recognizable. The Boy and I saw someone on the street with Owen tattoos.

pink hoop
For the first time in the history of our parties/barbecues, the Boy’s extended fam came over, and many of them took a spin with the hoops, which was nice for me.

jax with hoop

elliot gives it a whirl
Maybe I should make some mini hoops.

brenna hoops it

Naturally now that we’re out of printer ink I have a bunch of new painting ideas. The Boy’s self-portrait. A painting of ecstasy pills (what?). Another grapes portrait. Another flapper painting. Bleepity bloopity.

blue chair
Me and my girl, we got this relationship.

sari
I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit.

hawaiian shirt
On lock down like a penitentiary…

shadows
She spreads her lovin’ all over and when she gets home there’s none left for me.

The best movie I’ve watched all week is “Taintlight”, what looks to be a zero budget movie spoofing “Twilight”. The film takes place in a high school but there are seemingly only 4 students. It’s over-the-top raunchy and immature, what John Waters would surely call “trash”. There are only 6 reviews on Netflix and they are all 1 star, bitchy reviews (obviously by people who don’t get it). I’m tempted to write my very first Netflix review to tell people the truth: this film is ART! It should be celebrated! C’mon, what’s not to like about a movie with the word “taint” in the title? Think about it.

bronzer face
The other day I “experimented” with a powder bronzer from my jumbo Sephora make-up palette by piling it on my face. A naked bronze face looks pretty frightening, so of course I had to add red lipstick and false eyelashes. It was a completely garish and tacky look in real life but it photographed pretty well. My teeth look so white.

twirl
This is one of those completely random shots that somehow works. My hair looks platinum. Like the children from “The Village of the Damned“.

flapper purse detail
The buyer for “Flapper with Purse” requested some more detailed photos. Admittedly I have gotten pretty apathetic with Etsy. Once the initial “thrill” wears off, you know, it’s just…there.

butterfly wrist #2
Another fake butterfly tattoo on my wrist. I have 5 sheets of nothing but butterfly tattoos in my possession. I was thinking about applying them all over my back and then taking pictures. Then again, I don’t want to have to scrub them all off.

Three and a half hours of sleep last night and I feel crackity-shackity today. I keep pouring coffee into my maw in efforts to perk up–it’s not workinggggg. Perhaps this afternoon I’ll put on a Swedish movie and take a nice little nappie-poo. Sleep deprivation and this body don’t mix very well. In fact, that was one of the reasons my therapist ruled out bi-polar disorder.

“Do you enjoy not getting very much sleep? Does it make you feel elated?” she asked.

“Uck, no, I hate it,” I said.

“Good,” she said. “That’s how you’re supposed to feel.”

Mildly nauseous, achy and whiny. I want to get one of those old fashioned bed trays for eating in bed for the purpose of bed blogging. Bed blogging sounds really good right now.

flower power
Orally fixated.

paint chips
These are the acrylic paint blobs that the Boy scraped out of our palettes the other day. Why scrape? Soak the palette for 15 minutes and they come right off. Still, it made for an interesting composition in the bowl.

don't try this at home
It also made taking this photo irresistible.

I sold a painting today! I am super duper pooper happy about it! It’s one of my favorite paintings, and also the second most expensive painting I have for sale (not that my paintings are all that expensive compared to other work I’ve seen on Etsy), but YES! Man, if I could just sell one moderately priced painting per week, I wouldn’t feel guilty about not working. Not that I feel all that guilty. It’s sort of faded…with time.

Every time I sell a painting I get all jazzed and get a little pick-me-up, a little push to paint more. Generally I raise my prices on all the other paintings too, but I’m not going to this time. They’re appropriate. FOR NOW!!!

It doesn’t say, but I’d be willing to bet that’s Ellen Von Unwerth’s blond head snapping away with the camera. I’ve been obsessed with her photography ever since the Vogue layout from 1994 featuring Nadja Auermann (remember her?) as a Viking Goddess swinging from a tree in drippy, tattered Chloe. Sighhh, memorieeeeeeees…….

(thanks Gala Darling for posting this video)

blonde in
Hair, post-highlights. Admittedly I am a little disappointed–they are extremely subtle and really only seem to show up around my hairline. I got “partials”. Maybe I should have gone for the full-on. Shit, now I’ll have to wait another year. And 150 bucks! Jesus! I wish I had a hairdresser friend.

seconds
Oh my God, I am so sick of every thriller writer in the world right now. I’ve read all the Koontz, King, Kellerman, Deaver, White, Sandford, and for God’s sake NO MORE PATTERSON*. Help Mumma. Who else is good?

fake tattoo
I sent away for some fake tattoos and had this sucker on my wrist for a couple of days, until it started looking raggedy and I scrubbed it off with the dish sponge. The Boy is anti-butterfly. Hell, maybe I should just get grapes and get it over with already.

cd case
C.d. case made by the Boy’s sister a million years ago. She’s such a creative little thing. She has a real eye for color.

bear cub eats an ice cream cone
At Dairy Queen you can get dog cones for free. Maggie always snarfs hers down in the car but Bear Cub won’t eat in the car because she’s too paralyzed with fear so I always give hers to her at home. Here she is holding the cone between her paws and licking out the ice cream, OH MY GOD the cuteness is overwhelming. Yes, I am gay for my dogs, you hear? GAY.

Ha ha, our barbecue is tonight and it’s raining right now. This doesn’t worry me, because 90% of the time in Seattle the day starts out gray and shitty and you’re cursing your outdoor plans and then around 3 it clears, the sun comes out, serotonin levels soar and everyone is happy. I made myself a snappy little obnoxious dress to wear yesterday, then decorated it with sequins. Photos to come!

* It was the overuse of italics that ruined Patterson for me. Not to mention, let’s face it–he really isn’t that great of a writer. There, I said it! And I’m not sorry!

I received a text message recently and it said I had one of those “multimedia” type deals and had to log in online to look at a photo. I’ve received those before, but I was confused because it came from my parents.

“When did they figure out how to send those?” I wondered, and opened it up:
sally's anus
Yes, it’s a photo of my dad’s dog Sally’s anus. You see where I get my sense of “humor” from?

Speaking of questionable humor, here’s a few gems I’ve collected from the likes of World of Wonder and Regretsy, to brighten up your weekend, dear blog reader:
wanted
Ah, hahahaaa.

snow fooling
Incredibly creepy. Look at the finger about to stick into the pie–ew.

pool party bib
This is horrible. I would totally buy it, and gift it to someone with a baby.

donald duck
Er, oh I don’t know, what the hell.

I thought I had more but apparently not. I smell like a fake tan. Today’s goals are to vacuum, I KNOW, the excitement! The thrills! The chills! My therapist thinks I should look into being an art therapist. She was so excited by the idea she was practically levitating off of her chair. If I can accomplish that degree by taking computer courses, shuuuur. I’ve spent enough years at schools, however. I’m totally over it.

dinner
Recently I semi-forced the Boy to watch “Mommie Dearest” for his first time. I don’t think he appreciates this film as much as he should. Certainly, he didn’t laugh hysterically during the crucial parts of the film, like the pink meat scenes,

selfish and thoughtless
Christina yelling at her dolls,

class
Crawford thrashing around the rose garden in a full-length evening gown,

ax
the excellent “ax” line, which is to be said by the viewer, loudly and dramatically, at exactly the same time it appears onscreen,

closet
and of course, OF COURSE, the pivotal wire hangers scene. It doesn’t get much better than that. And, like “Valley of the Dolls”, you forgive the boring scenes in “Mommie Dearest” because the high-camp scenes are well, so delicious.

scout's honor
Whoops, how did that get in there?

the Boy

shadow dogs

blurry smiles

This afternoon I have an appointment to see my therapist. It’s been a whole month. I can’t remember what my homework was, or if I even had any. Next we’re going to start tapering down my Celexa, which has been holding strong at 20 mg for a long-ass time. And I might get a fake tan in anticipation for our barbecue on Sunday. Shit, that reminds me, I still need to get some sort of Hawaiian-themed dress/caftan to wear. Blarg.

more prog on the painting
More progress photos. I’ve changed a few things since this photo was taken and now it looks soooo goooood. But it’s not quite finished. Of course.

the west side
Maaan, yesterday I was wrestling Bear Cub into the car and I dropped my beautiful turquoise plastic water bottle on the road and it went CRACK! Dammit, I was very fond of that water bottle. Never mind this metal bottle crap, I can’t stand those. GIVE ME PLASTICS!

supplies
This isn’t even a good photo, why am I posting it? Say, I think Maggie just farted.

the chase
Yesterday we went to Corinne’s new house and someone had left a pan of bacon grease in the backyard (?) and the girls slurped it all up when I wasn’t looking. Apparently the roommate watched it happen and DIDN’T EVEN STOP THEM. We’re talking old grease that had been baking in the sun for God knows how long.

Then Maggie puked all over their living room rug and both of them puked repeatedly in the backyard. Do you think they learned their lesson? Of course not. Dogs don’t learn lessons.

the back of molly's head
Not these dogs, anyway. For example, “When you bark incessantly at the cats next door then you have to come inside and hang out with Mommy“. Deterrent? Nope. Every day, BARK BARK BARK.

backyard trees
They don’t bark nearly as much when I’m actually outside with them. That’s nice for both of us. Currently my outdoor reading for the 10 billionth time is “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. Love that book. Never gets old. “I remember thinking ‘Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid’.”

Corinne and I went to a Greek deli yesterday. I ordered a falafel sandwich and a cherry vanilla creme sodie and everything was heavennnnn. Her new house lacks the pretty landscaping of the old one but the plus side is her bedroom is much larger. She’s caring for plants now and it’s adorable watching her kill them off.

She just needs to watch this video, repeatedly:

« Previous PageNext Page »