…the who cares girl…

21 Halloween costumes that will not get you laid

KXVO “Pumpkin Dance”

Yyyyeah!

Look at the gorgeous eyeball cupcakes I made yesterday.

I was deeply proud of them.

I told the Boy he should bring some to work today, I said SOME, and I wake up this morning and they’re all gone, along with the cookies and pizza and all the leftover food from the party, except a couple of the banana bread muffins I made and some beers in the fridge that don’t pose a threat to me. Oh well. I suppose it’s better that way.

Getting into my Courtney make-up yesterday. Everyone complained that it was too perfect so later on I smeared the red lipstick and then everyone said that was better.

I really liked my eye make-up.

I gave myself track marks using liquid eyeliner and eyeshadow.

Kurt.

Kurt and Courtney.

…and again.

I figured Courtney would give people the finger a lot, so that’s how I posed for many photographs. You know.

Courtney shakes it around.

Had I known my camera was going to run out of batteries and that we were out of batteries I wouldn’t have taken so many pre-party pictures, but eh, who can predict these things?

Oh Courtney, lay off the smack.

My cousin stole these stockings from her mother and I in turn stole them from her. Yes.

The prizes were lottery tickets. People love those things.

Pre-party living room. This house has sooooo much more room compared to the apartment.

The food that we supplied. The invitation says “B.Y.O.B.”, but people always bring a ton of food too, so that’s nice.

My banana bread muffins. Mmmmmmm.

As always, about 50% of the guests wear costumes. I wish I could be more of a Wig Terrorist, but you don’t want to force people.

We always put out a box of assorted wigs and sunglasses and costume items so that people can dress up, and this year, FINALLY, someone paid attention. This little girl tried on all the wigs, and spent a great deal of time in front of the mirror. Yep. Liz-in-training. I gave her a wig that was a gift to me but too small for my large head–she was so happy.

Purvi’s husband came sans costume, and the Boy told him he looked like Peter Lorre. He didn’t know who Peter Lorre was, but he was pretty good at doing the eye pop thing.

Then it was karaoke time. Nobody ever wants to go first, so the Boy and I always end up breaking the ice.

I did a not-so-fantastic rendition of “Me and Bobby McGee”, and screamed at the end. Janis-style.

There’s my rainbow hat! Ros (in the hat) has a prosthetic arm, so for her work costume she took an old prosthetic arm, sawed off the hand and replaced it with a hook and wore a pirate costume. I think she should wear the hook all the time. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Shari shames everybody every year by having a fantastic voice.

Mandi has a great voice too, she just unfortunately likes country music. However, she sang a song about this guy named Earl that beats up his wife and then gets killed by the wife’s friends and her voice had that perfect “twang” and everyone was floored.

This girl had to drink plenty of wine before her turn. I can dig it.

And then the camera died, and I was mad. So that’s that.

Everyone left around 1, and nobody got really stinkin’ drunk, and that bitch Corinne NEVER EVEN CALLED ME (you are totally on my shitlist, Corinne!), and all in all it was a great party and I didn’t eat too much.

Today it’s back to the usual painting and I’m still going to try to watch some more horror movies today. If I can. It’s hard to find the good ones.

Happy Halloween, blog-logs!

I found this picture of Courtney last night and squealed with happiness, because I had just impulsively added a plastic bow-shaped barrette to my Courtney wig and I had been debating on whether or not Courtney would wear black tights and BLAMMO.

Of course, there are other little details–would Courtney paint her fingernails? I decided yes–black–and I’m not going to stress when they get chipped today. Should I paint track marks and bruises on my arms? Should I write “BITCH” in red lipstick down my arm? What about shoes? Good thing I have a stockpile of Mary Janes.

Today I have to go pick up the karaoke machine and then go to a thrift store to find the Boy a striped shirt because I didn’t do that yesterday. I spent all day decorating the house and making banana bread muffins and chocolate cupcakes.

I am not 100% stoked about our Halloween costumes, especially after we both tried our wigs on last night. “Last year’s costumes were way better,” I complained to the Boy.

“They can’t be great every year,” he said. “Anyway, we’re doing a loving homage…”

Oh okay, that sounds better. This is the first year in a million years that I won’t be trying to look especially cute on Halloween–my red lipstick needs to be slightly smeared, and I guess I don’t have to worry about those zits on my face, because they’ll just be adding to the aura that is Courtney. I plan on taking a lot of pictures.

I’ve been watching a lot of crap horror films lately, so here is a list of my favorites:

1. “The Shining”

Hands down, the scariest movie ever made. Nothing else compares. Thank God I didn’t see it at a too early age–I remember watching it with my high school boyfriend and being so spooked afterward I didn’t want to get out of his car when he took me home. The music alone is terrifying.

2. “May”

Why is this movie so overlooked? I own it, it’s fantastic. The ending is horrifying. I remember holding Corinne’s hand while she hyperventilated at the end. Of course, we were on mushrooms at the time, but STILL. The movie commentary is hysterically funny.

3. “The Exorcist”

A classic. I tried watching the sequels. No dice, the first one is perfection.

4. “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”

I finally saw this for the first time last year, and now I know why so many people have copied this idea. Very scary.

5. “Seven”

I recall seeing this film in the theater and practically jumping out of my seat in horror during one particular scene. Damn this movie is good.

6. “Rosemary’s Baby”

I have to watch this at least once a year. It is perfect–Mia Farrow’s swan song. I love the costumes, I love the Vidal Sassoon haircut, I LOVE Ruth Gordon.

7. “Poltergeist”

Another movie I’m glad I didn’t watch at a too-young age. This movie is incredibly creepy and unsettling. That clown doll? Sweet Jesus.

8. “The Thing”

John Carpenter’s remake. My parents love this movie, so I watched it at a pretty young age. I saw it again recently and it hasn’t lost any  of its effectiveness. A human head crawling around on spider legs? Giiiirrrrrrl.

9. “The Omen”

Extremely creepy. Certain scenes of this film really stick with you.

10. “The Ring”

This movie spawned a whole lotta rip-offs, and there’s a good reason for it, because it’s damn scary.

God, remember “Sassy” magazine? It was about 10 billion times cooler than “Seventeen”, which irritated me even as a teenager. I had a set of “Sassy” make-up brushes that I used for years until they fell apart. Probably never washed them either, gross. I’m better about that now.

I remember drawing Kurt with that pink hair. I was completely obsessed with Kurt when I was a youngin’–I had a manila envelope filled with Kurt pictures and Kurt articles and I traded it to my cousin for a pair of platform shoes. Then Luna ate the platform shoes. Ah, regret!

Today is all about cleaning and decorating for the party tomorrow night. It won’t be fun, but since I’m up at 7 this morning for some sweaty, weird reason I think I can clean frantically for a couple of hours and then paint the rest of the day.

I am mildly irritated because I used to have a black-and-white striped shirt that I wanted the Boy to wear as Kurt tomorrow night, reminiscent of this outfit, but I can’t find it. I’m going to go to a thrift store today in hopes of finding a striped shirt, and if not, I’ll get him a crusty old man cardigan and I’ll make him the Daniel Johnston shirt using a white tee and a Sharpie. God, wasn’t Kurt cute with bangs? Sigh. Siiiiiigh.

“Back #2″, or “the ass and grapes painting”, acrylic paint on a 16 x 20″ canvas. Available for sale here. During the posing for this photograph is when I realized that it would be really really nice to have one of those little attachments for your camera so you can take self-portraits without changing positions to push a button. As I was balancing naked on top of my dresser, reaching over to push the camera button with a toe, I thought, this is ridic. And trying to get the grapes to stay in place? Pffft. The things I do for “art”.

Up too early this morning, and to bed too late last night, thanks to a fresh Jeffery Deaver novel. A blog/blogger features into this story, so there is a lot of explanation of what a blog is and how it alllll began and what “http” stands for and blah blah blah. That’s all fine. What’s NOT fine, Mr. Deaver, and I say this with full respect and love for you as an author, is your excessive use of “like” when teenagers are supposed to be talking. It is distracting and unnecessary. I strongly feel, Jeffy, that you need to cut down or eliminate this completely. Would someone really say “Like, no.” REALLY??? NO. Your fans are begging you. Okay, I’m begging you. Smooch.

Excuse me but it really isn’t fair how greasy my hair gets if I skip washing for one day, Jesus Please-us. I’ve Googled things like “home remedies for oily hair” and they suggest a rinse with apple cider vinegar or beer (nope). I have some apple cider vinegar. Maybe I should just douse my head with it today and leave it on and see what happens. But then I would smell like vinegar. When I got my highlights a few months ago the chemicals they used dried my hair out nicely. Hmmm. I could see myself getting addicted to highlights. “More, MORE! You can never be TOO BLONDE!” I’d screech maniacally, wrestling the hairdresser for her bottle of bleach.

Today’s goal is to…um…paint. And research getting a second job, because job #1 ain’t giving me shit for hours. And to track down my babydoll dress to be Courtney Love on Friday. And purchase some Halloween decorations. I keep forgetting that we are throwing a party on Friday. I’m not excited at all this year. Waaaaah.

I love the Bear Cub. Maybe it’s her aloofness that is part of the appeal. She’s really only happy to see me in the morning–and then she ignores me for the rest of the day.

Unlike Mags, who in her compulsive neediness is glued to my side all day long, following me from room to room.

“If I could only choose one dog, I would choose Maggie,” I told the Boy recently.

“Don’t say that in front of them!” he cried.

“Who would you choose?”

“I don’t know!” he said, horrified.

“Come on!” I shouted. “Let’s say the dogs are hanging off a cliff, and you can only save one! Who would you choose?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” he shrieked, and ran out of the room.

Wedding china and grapes. That grape cluster is featured in the painting I just completed yesterday–grapes and my ass. Whatta composition.

Half moon last night.

The Boy grew impatient waiting for me to pull myself away from the canvas last night and made dessert himself–a pumpkin roll. Finally, the pink mixer was used! Hooray! It’s not just for style.

Today I’m going to try to mash all my errands together in the morning so I can paint all day. I’ve become almost obsessive about painting–about 6 hours every day. Where did this come from? This hyperfocus?* It’s wooooonderful.

* Adderall.

I bought these on eBay for 38 bucks. Normally they are 125 bucks. I think they will improve my quality of life.

The Boy working on a promised portrait of his cousin’s kids.

He likes to listen to music while he paints, and I prefer to listen to movies, so he does the headphone thang while movies are on for me. I’ve been craving horror films but the Netflix instant selection of horror movies is AWFUL. Recently I have listened to: “The Sentinel” (meh–although it featured a young Christopher Walken–hot), “Pin” (mer), approximately 10 minutes of “Black Christmas” (awful), “Magic” (not as good as I remembered) and 15 minutes of “Puppetmaster” (horrible).

Awwwww.

Maggie wants to see what’s happening outside without actually committing. I can dig it.

So, apparently when you paint all day which requires a lot of hand washing and build fires and smoke and all kinds of other shit it’s impossible to keep your nail polish from being chipped.

Blue flames were leaping up and I attempted to capture them with the Canon A610 but it failed me. I shouldn’t be too hard on the Canon A610 because it survived Burning Man–in spite of what hippies on message boards say about the playa destroying your camera. HA! Thank goodness too, because I couldn’t afford a new camera right now.

I just realized that I am drinking coffee from the unwashed cup that I was using to paint with yesterday. Oops. Oh well, a little paint residue never hurt anybody–except for cadmium orange, that shit’ll fuck you up. Or your unborn children, anyway, but I’M NOT PREGNANT, thanks Mom for bringing it up in every phone conversation, shee-yit.  I wish someone else would carry  the baby for me, that would be nice. I told the Boy that and he said then I would miss out on the “bonding” between mother and child-in-womb. Sigh.

Bass is rumbling from the living room. It’s raining heavily outside. Today it’s porn movie renting time (I’m excited, even though I know I will be disappointed). I’m nearly done with the ass painting–I worked on it all day yesterday. It’s amazing how the hours can fly by when I am hyperfocusing on a painting. I need to start selling some of these paintings–they are just stacked up against the wall, because we have no wall space. Sad. Saaaad.