…the who cares girl…

Latest painting, “Shalom Pink”, acrylic paint, metallic ink and glitter on a 9 x 12″ canvas. Available for sale in my Etsy shop, here. Inspired by a photo of the always fabulous Shalom Harlow.

I have “Ballroom Blitz” in my head this morning. The version from “Wayne’s World” that Tia Carrere sings. Whatever happened to that broad, anyway? Oh, according to IMDB she’s living in Toronto. Huh.

Going to work today (or work-plurp-schmelerk, as I like to say). My dogs apparently think they’re a couple of woodchippers because I keep finding chunks of wood in their mouths. That can’t be good for digestion, can it?

Awwww.

Lookit how cute they are. It’s almost enough to make you forget the barking and snarling and the occasional deposit of grass-filled vomit on the floor (that’s what we came home to last night)(and why can’t they throw up outside? I mean, please!).

Molly, aka Bear Cub.

“Why is Molly so nervous all the time?” I asked the Boy.

“Maybe because you sneak up behind her and scream BEAR CUB!” he said. Noooo, that can’t be it.

The Shalom painting will be finished today and possibly up on Etsy. Next I am going to do a BIG painting. Enough of these wimpy 8 x10 and 9 x 12s. I need a project that will last two weeks, at least. I kind of want to do a mermaid painting–with two mermaids. The Francesca painting was originally intended to be a double mermaid painting, but then I ended up painting just Francesca and the painting has that “big empty space” in it that Corinne has always bitched about. Why is everyone always hating on that painting? It’s hanging above our bed, currently. It fills up the white space nicely.

Today’s goals are to finish Shalom, find some mermaid inspiration and hit the gym. I went twice over the weekend–it wasn’t bad at all. I just wish they had a better magazine selection than “People” and “US”–ugh. Maybe I should donate some of my Vogues and Elles and (my least favorite) Bazaars.*

* Yeah right, like that’s going to happen. I only get rid of magazines after I’ve painstakingly gone through them and removed anything that might be useful to Inspiration Notebooks #1 and 2. That’s why…there are stacks of magazines in the house. Because that sort of thing takes time. I cannot seem to bear to throw out a “Vogue” without rifling through it–and this is a problem I’ve had since 1994, the year Linda Evangelista graced the cover in a pink Chanel suit. Maybe having children will cure me of this fashion magazine disease, I don’t know.

While I’m painting I like to have on old cycles of “America’s Next Top Model”, because it’s hysterically funny. Yesterday Tyra was demonstrating how to “smile with your eyes”.

“Here’s me not smiling with my eyes…” (face)
“Here’s me smiling with my eyes.” (same face)

“You’ve gotta love this show!” I said to the Boy, wiping away tears of laughter.
“No, I don’t,” he replied.

I was not smiling, with my eyes or otherwise, while we were cleaning the apartment yesterday. I had to think positive thoughts throughout, such as “Progress, not Perfection” (AA slogan that also applies to cleaning filthy apartments). Later, “I’m sure they’ll have to replace this carpet anyway“, and finally, desperately, “You’ll never see those people again” (in reference to the maintenance men). And even if I did, so what? What are they going to say? “Hey, you’re that girl that left us that disgusting apartment to clean up–thanks a LOT!” Isn’t that what the deposit is for? And how about those pet deposits I paid? Those cover cleaning, yes?

Oh well, we’ll be finished with it today. We’ll turn in the keys, and that will be that. No more apartment living! EVER! Not that it was awful, it’s just that you reach a point when you outgrow an apartment. Especially if you are a compulsive collector of fabric, fashion magazines, wigs, acrylic paint, canvas, and crime novels. And I want to be a minimalist. HA!

Jean Harlow – Bombshell, originally uploaded by Jane Diamond.

Jean Harlow would be a fun costume. Easy to find a slinky white satin dress, easy to find a wavy platinum wig. And the make-up would be challenging.

Purple eyeshadow. I went with a Maybelline eyeshadow trio, because I wanted more than one shade. Wet ‘n’ Wild isn’t as dirt cheap as it used to be–everything used to be 99 cents, now it’s all…2.99. The horror, the horror.

I also purchased some new, cheapie false eyelashes. Around Halloween is a great time to stock up on cheapie false eyelashes. You can never have too many. The wig was an afterthought because my hair was greasy. That’s why I love wigs–instant hair. Maybe I should get a short croppy blond wig to wear in real life when my hair is greasy. Something really platinum and edgy, like Agyness Deyn’s bob. No way am I cutting my hair short again. Noooo waaaay.

I woke up this morning and my family’s gone. I love that. They could be at a dog park, out for a walk, and meanwhile the house is gloriously silent but for the slurping of my coffee and the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard. Yes.

We are going to spend the next two days moving the last of the shit out of the old apartment and cleaning it, so we’ll be all done with everything by Monday. Finally. Good-bye, old apartment! So long to hazy memories of boozing it up and too many hungover mornings to count and depression and unfortunate choices in rebound relationships! Hello New House, with your impossible-to-figure-out heating system and ridiculous amount of large spiders! Love ya!

Oh God, I forgot that I signed up to the “Blizzard Fan Club” last night, but I had a happy little e-mail reminding me about it this morning. I was hoping to find out why Oreo Blizzards are so ridiculously addictive, but I didn’t find that out, just that Blizzards came out in 1985 and that first year they sold something like 170 million of the tasty little fuckers. And now I’m a “Blizzard Fan”–that just means I get a, um, free Blizzard. And then another one on my birthday. Lord.

I NEED HALLOWEEN INSPIRATION!!! Our annual party will be at the new house this year, and I need to turn it OUT! The Boy told me he wants to be something “clever” (he offered a co-worker’s costume of bloody cereal boxes (“Serial Killer” mwa ha…herrrrrr) as an example), so I don’t have to be tied down to a “couples costume”. Although last year’s Austin Powers costumes were damn cute.

Help Mumma! What should I be for Halloween?*

* Remember, I like to look cute.

Okay, Janey, these are for you:

The front of the house. There is an uber tacky “no smoking” sign affixed to the front door. I’ve gotta figure out something to put over it. Even when I quit smoking I don’t want a “no smoking” sign on my front door, for God’s sake.

The back. The back yard is fully fenced in, so my little furry animals have nowhere to escape! Mwa ha haahaa.

And speaking of furry animals…

Molly loves the backyard. She spends all day outside, actually, only coming in briefly for breakfast and dinner. At night I have to practically drag her inside. Co-dependent Maggie, however, really only goes outside when I go out to smoke (which is *cough cough hack* frequently), the rest of the time she is hovering wherever I am. I go to the kitchen, she goes to the kitchen. I go to the bathroom, she watches me go to the bathroom. I’m typing this blog entry, she’s sitting at my feet gnawing on something disgusting. Annoying? YES!

I just love the fact that we have a mini forest in our backyard. It’s so cool.

I have this really bizarre notion to go to the gym today. After all, I’m still paying for the membership, even though I haven’t been in…months. I figured out back in June when I started smoking again that cigarettes worked even more effectively to lose weight than working out, and subsequently just quit working out. But I’m quitting my anti-anxiety meds, and soon I’ll be quitting smoking, and pretty soon after that we’re going to throw away the condoms and make a baby, so I figure I need to develop some “healthy habits”. Oh, why oh why are healthy habits so boring?

I finished the Twiggy painting yesterday. It’s for sale here. BUY IT! All proceeds go to…um…buying groceries and dog food for my poor lil’ family! And possibly a Fantasy Shoe, although judging from our terrifying bank statement that’s not gonna happen for a long time.

I think I’m going to paint Shalom Harlow next. She’s just so damn gorgeous, and she’s always been one of my favorite models, and there has to be someone out there willing to shell out approximately 100 dollars for Shalom on their wall, I think. I hope. Sigh.

Bump-bump-bump.

Hawt.

Oh, it’s a slow day in picture land when I’m photographing my feet. Well, the foot fetishists on Flickr will be happy.

My mother has been telling me for a week that I need to get the Boy’s sister a card and a present. When I told her last night that I did get her a card and a baby present, she said that that was okay for the baby shower, but now I need to get a post-birth present too. How in the hell am I supposed to know these things? My mother is the sort of person that will send out a card for any occasion. Our 1 year anniversary (I didn’t even get my husband a card for that) (but don’t tell my mother!). A happy-moving-into-your-new-house card. On my birthdays I get two cards. I’m still waiting for the “WHERE’S MY GRANDCHILD???” card.

Happy to be off work today, happy that the sun is shining, happy that I don’t have to make dinner tonight because we’re going over to the Boy’s sister’s house. Maybe I’ll actually hold Ronia this time. I get really nervous around babies that are that tiny–I feel like I’m going to break them, but perhaps I can brave it tonight.

We have a woefully low amount of cash flow in our accounts but that’s not stopping me from buying some purple eyeshadow today, because I realized recently that I don’t have any. I know, no purple? I could always get some “Wet ‘n’ Wild”. That shit is cheap.

Astronetta, originally uploaded by RickRaven.

Gee, I haven’t been up so early that it’s still dark out in–ahh…huh. Well, in the last part of the dream I was having this morning I was sitting on the toilet, constipated, so I didn’t mind escaping out of that one. Lord.

Yesterday at work I was refused four times, which is a new record for me. Apparently four people were having bad days, but that was okay because I had 10 patients to see and that’s kind of a lot. Not the most I’ve ever had scheduled for one day (that would be 17), but still pretty high. I didn’t push. I’m not a pusher. Let the physical therapists push.

My husband asked me how to spell “collar” this morning. He’s started researching bark collars. Apparently there are far more varieties than we had imagined. Gooood. Your days of barking incessantly at the poor neighbors are numbered, Bear Cub! Get ready.

“I don’t wanna go to work!”

“Well, do you–”

“Do I want money, yes, yes, I do…”

“No, I was going to say, do you want to move back in with your parents?”

“Hey, whatever happened to, “I’m your husband and you don’t have to work if you don’t want to“?”

Pause.

“Well, I still believe that…” (very unconvincingly).

There is something on the floor next to the computer desk that is called “The Merck Manual”, which sounds to me like “merk schmerk beh-lerk”, which is kind of how I feel about going back to work this morning. And I know the first day back is always the hardest. And I know it will be easier tomorrow. But still.

In other news, this morning’s scale confirms a total weight gain of 5 pounds, not 7, so phewwwww. Not that I’m going to take that as a sign to buy some more of that evil, evil (delicious, wonderful) apple pie ice cream. Nope, no sireeeeee.

In posting all the Burning Man photos a couple of weeks ago, I forgot that while we were at Burning Man the Boy’s sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (named Ronia–yes! “Eleanor” is mine!) and on the way home we stopped by to meet her.

Awwwwww.

So tiny! Smaller than a loaf of bread! I gazed upon this teeny-weeny child and thought confidently, “I could squeeze one of those out.”

Nico’s mother inspired me this morning to take photos of the new house, which apparently I hadn’t done yet.

Living room. The Boy’s sister gave us that purple velvet loveseat. Score!

Over the fireplace. In the center is the Twiggy painting I’m currently working on.

Kitchen. The washer and dryer are in the kitchen, which is a little strange, but I don’t mind.

Bedroom. This is kind of a crappy picture of the bedroom, but, er…it has a bed in it. And a dresser. And a bedside table. And a huge-ass full-length mirror that I’ve been dragging around from home to home for years.

Creativity Room.

Office–the one room that has air conditioning–not that we’ll be needing it for a while. It was so cold in the house yesterday I wore socks, pants, and a long-sleeved shirt all day. And I forced the Boy to go out and buy me a hot chocolate. He’s nice.

HUGE backyard, tra la laaaaa…

The dogs pretty much hang out outside all day, which is great for me.

The backyard also has a massive patio with a work sink/cabinets.

Spider trap! You can see there is a “friend” in there. There were two–but I sprayed the spider spray at one of them this morning. It took a few seconds but then the spider had a full-body freak-out–and then left the glue trap and started shambling towards me, of course. I sprayed it a few more times and it took a minute or two and then died. Good God. This fucking spider problem is unreal.

Well, not to trot down this tired old road again but–oh what the hell, it’s my blog and I can bitch and moan as often as I want to! I reluctantly stepped on the scale this morning to discover that I’ve gained 7 pounds since Burning Man, SEVEN POUNDS, so not surprising, and yet, still surprising. How long did I honestly think I could keep shoving cookies and ice cream and various (delicious) garbage into my maw and not suffer the consequences? I don’t have Kate Moss genes, I have, erm, Kirstie Alley genes. And pretty soon, Kirstie Alley jeans if I don’t knock that shit off. And did I really need to make a “strawberry dream pie” last night with layers of cream cheese, whipped topping and strawberries in a graham cracker crust, and then eat 1/4 of it? I don’t think so. STOP THE INSANITY!

Ooof. Yesterday after an extensive 2 hour search on the Internets I found the Fantasy Shoe, but in the wrong color. The Boy says I could just “dye it”, but that’s not what the Fantasy Shoe is all about! It’s not about force! It’s about perfection! Sigh. The quest continues…