…the who cares girl…

macrame, originally uploaded by …the who cares girl….

My grandfather, the artistic one who painted this and carved elaborate items out of wood, also used to make macrame plant holders. As with most things I associate with my father’s parents (lucite grapes, costume jewelry, alcoholism) I’ve been obsessed with these damn things for years.

Instead of learning how to make them (I have enough hobbies for now) I’ll do the next best thing: EBAY. Yes! Another obsession realized!

As a young teenager I became heavily obsessed with puzzles. I would spend hours in my bedroom crouched on the floor, listening to oldies music and assembling puzzle after puzzle. I was really good–I bet my father that I could put together a 8 1/2 x 11 inch holographic silver glitter puzzle in less than an hour, and I did.

The only problem was that given my A.D.D. and obliviousness to clutter, the puzzles started taking up more and more space and gathering dust. After asking me for what was probably the 20th time to PICK UP YOUR PUZZLES and having me ignore her, my mother threw my puzzles away. All of them.

I hadn’t touched a puzzle in years until a co-worker recently heard this story, took pity on me and presented me with a puzzle called “Dogmania”. “Dogmania” was hell, but I was beginning to make a little progress on the border when I left the room to talk to my mother on the phone. When I returned, Maggie was quietly munching on several pieces from “Dogmania”.

After a particularly gut-wrenching day at work last week the Boy purchased me two more puzzles and I’m happy to say that I HAVEN’T LOST MY TOUCH, also–they are just as addicting as they were years ago.

The puzzle eater hiding under pillows.

Recent impulse buy: “Half Baked”. It’s been so long since I last watched it I couldn’t remember if it was any good.

Verdict: no, not particularly good.

Although Dave Chapelle was pretty funny as “Sir Smokes A Lot”: “Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! ‘Cause it’s hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!”

Happy Friday!

My mother has drilled into me the importance of writing thank you cards and my father has always encouraged the sending of multiple cards so I’m always buying myself little cards and stationary items as they catch my fancy, like these fancy gilded “L” cards.

The weather has been fah-boo-luss lately, all sunny and warm enough to be coat-free outside. Every day when I come home from work the first thing I do is throw on my painting pants and race around the backyard with the dogs like a maniac.

Work has been better this week. I just remember to smile. You know, like Charlie Chaplin said, “Smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through, for you.” Anyway I’m far too old to go around scowling at everyone like I did from age thirteen to…er, twenty-eight.

Being a hospital volunteer at an early age taught me how to smile at people. With eye contact. It’s difficult, but after a while you get the hang of it, and then you just have to keep in practice. I don’t remember a whole lot about my volunteering experience (even though I did it for three years), but I do remember the hideous shapeless red-and-white-striped smock (yes, smock) I was forced to wear, with white jeans and (horror of horrors) white tennis shoes.

I was too bratty to be a candy striper, what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I used to want to be an orthopedic surgeon when I grew up. Now where on earth did I get that idea, MOM?

Good thing that plan didn’t work out. It wasn’t until I was a little older that I discovered I’m not really “into” working “full time”. I’m glad that I finished school. I have no desire to go back, unless it’s artsy. There’s a cartooning course that the Pratt Art Institute is offering, I noticed in the pamphlet they sent me. That sounds cool.

The first time that Christopher and I had any kind of lengthy conversation occurred many years ago at Chris and Melinda’s wedding reception. I don’t remember much about the reception, just what I wore (a floor-length black floral 70′s sleeveless nightgown, with a string of green beads around my throat), that Christopher and I were glued to each other all night, and that a great deal of our conversation revolved around Louise Brooks.

Christopher jump-started an obsession that had already been brewing. One of my very first paintings was of Louise, I painted her again for an AIDS charity auction, and a third time for a painting that I traded with the incredible artist Julie Zarate.

Last week I decided that there is absolutely nothing wrong with painting the same fabulous muse over and over again, especially when she is Louise. I had just started my latest painting when I discovered that “Pandora’s Box” is streaming on Netflix right now.

Has my love for Louise dimmed over time? HELL NO. If anything, it’s gotten stronger.

Alcoholism never looked so good. Louise and I both knew we were alcoholics by the ripe old age of 22. However, I quit drinking, Louise never did, but she still lived a relatively long life, passing away at 78 years old.

The costumes in this film make me crazy with desire.

Sassy. In my early 20s I caught the Louise fever so bad I bobbed my hair. Unfortunately my early 20s was also when I started getting chunky from grilled cheese sannies and beer, so I’ll always associate bobbed hair with a double chin, which is rather unfortunate.

Yes, sometimes when we drink heavily we acquire crusty little friends.

Couldn’t you just die? I mean, really? Oh God, I’m still obsessed, and I don’t care!

Ahhhhhhhhh.

In the film she drives everyone mad with desire–men, women. And no wonder!

Yes, yes, yes!

Today’s disgustingly anorexic standards would no doubt deem Louise obese (my fresh “Vogue” had an article about a “curvy” model who, at 5 foot 10 and a size 4, isn’t getting booked because of her “size”).

I love that helmet.

Oh my God.

Watching this movie makes me want to pull out my sewing machine, several yards of chiffon and sequined trim and get crackin’.

The rich man Lulu (Louise) is sleeping with offers the creepiest gaze ever as his fiancee tries, in vain, to get him to pay attention to her.

You can see the wheels turning as Lulu spies him eying her lustily across the room: how to get his pesky fiancee out of the way? She does what any self-respecting minx would do…

…throws a starfit (would you look at the back of that dress?)…

…lures him backstage, and in my favorite scene of the entire movie…

…reacts to his fiancee bursting in on them with a sneer of triumph. That’s our Lulu.

She then shocks and horrifies everyone at their wedding by dancing with the ugly butch lesbian Countess, who is also hopelessly in love with her.

I won’t give the rest of the film away, let’s just say that it’s excellent and worth watching, repeatedly. The Boy couldn’t believe that it runs over two hours long, but the first hour is really the best. At least that’s when Louise looks the cutest.

Mmm, time to eat French toast.

This song reminds me of a girl in my high school drama class. She was a sophomore when I was a freshman. She was emaciated and wore huge bell bottomed pants and hung out with all the cool stoner guys that I wanted to hang out with but didn’t have the nerve. She had straight hair parted in the middle down to her waist. She folded her legs into pretzels in the auditorium seats and had long delicate fingers.

She “outed” my real age (13) to my 17-year-old boyfriend and he never spoke to me again. I couldn’t be mad at her though because in terms of style she had a massive influence on me. I wonder whatever happened to her.

Beck, originally uploaded by Chad Wadsworth.

Today I listened to “Mellow Gold” for the first time in years and I was walloped with a powerful rush of high school nostalgia. I could practically smell my high school boyfriend’s truck and I suddenly remembered those stupid flannel shirts he always wore that I hated (it was the 90s, eh).

According to my mother (who Googled him) he’s a D.A. now and I’m a weirdo now but we’re both married with two dogs. Flannel shirts are popular all over again, shit, gross.

I forgot how ridiculously good that album is.

On Friday it was Devin’s 30th birthday party. We had been planning on attending this party for quite some time. As I’m an elderly woman now I had to take a 3-4 hour disco nap beforehand, and then a sliver of Adderall to get “inspired”.

I wore one of the 30 dresses I made for Burning Man last year, with silver glitter stockings and silver glitter Mary Janes.

I also wore a silver glitter sweatshirt all night, as this dress is far too cleavage-y for real life (on the playa it was fine) (tame, really).

The Boy says he doesn’t like these self-portraits of mine where “your head looks huge and your body looks emaciated”, but I say, how else am I supposed to show my make-up detail? Hmmm?

That’s right, I am 30 years old and still dress like an 8-year old high on…cough syrup.

The Boy danced feverishly while I schmoozed.

All of the people from my Past Life were present: Nico and his fiancee, Kate and Cory (who now have two children), Robin, Arden and his adorable husband, Eric Wallace and Devin and alright, EVERYONE WAS THERE, including all the people we went to Burning Man with last year, so it was my past life and my present life colliding and mixing together and bopping around on the dance floor, and it was beautiful, meeeeyan. Good vibes, good vibes all around.

The former Big Gay Brian is now Sister Stella Standing. We exchanged business cards. I’m completely obsessed with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. I want to be one, but the Boy says NO.

La la lee, la tee dahhhhh…

Some of the art on the walls. I didn’t catch the artist’s name. The party took place at the LoFi Performance Gallery.

I like the octopus painting.

I was very pleased that I was able to hear Cory spin after what, 10 years? Good Lord. We are all still awfully cute for being so old.

Jen Woolfe, sexxxy d.j.

The LoFi had two rooms of music, which was very nice.

The second room had a screen above the turntables that announced the name of the d.j. playing. Brilliant!

I finally met Dave Matthews, a photographer on Flickr that I’ve been obsessed with for ages (two years, at least). I’m pretty sure I gushed and made a massive fool out of myself, but who cares? At least I looked cute!

I love it when people do weird shit on the dance floor, like contort their bodies in strange positions…

…and do assisted headstands.

Boy did I feel at home. Why don’t we go out anymore? Oh yeah, because most parties aren’t this “special”. It was like the Good Old Days–I looked around the dance floor and recognized 90% of the people, smiling back at me. I miss that.

I sipped ice water. And watched Corinne smoke some ciggies. I did not indulge! Hooray for hypnosis!

Good God, it was great seeing Eric Wallace again with his luxurious mane of hair.

Eric and the birthday boy.

I talked to my mother on the phone while I was putting together this blog entry and told her about the party. She’s very happy that Nico wound up with someone he loves, and asked, “Did Robin ask about Abbie?”.

I said no and she seemed a little disappointed. “Remember Eric Wallace?’ I asked her.

“Yeah, that freak,” she groaned.

My mother remembers the party kids circa 10 years ago, when we were all zitty and pasty and strung out and gross. It’s nice to see everyone healthy and happy and a little older.

Of course I’d be lying if I didn’t add that I am happy that I’m skinny right now. It’s always nice to be skinny when you run into people you haven’t seen in ages. Superficial? MUH HUH.

My mother requested that I e-mail her the party pictures–HA! She never had any interest in seeing them 10 years ago! Her only daughter, draped in plastic beads, gnawing on a pacifier in a filthy warehouse!

Oh, how sweet it was. No regrets. No regrets at all.

The Boy’s portrait of Matisse’s self-portrait. We were both impressed with how well it turned out.

“It’s amazing how much better paintings look on the wall, versus in the book,” he said. This is true. I’m still uncertain as to why so many people don’t have actual paintings on their walls, but I suppose they have other priorities in life. Boring priorities.

Here is the “Guide to Hippie Watching” I recently purchased (6 bucks, here).

Now I don’t want to be mean, I appreciate the work that went into this little pamphlet BUT: Grammy Liz says: please, at the very least, edit your work for spelling errors, people of the world, siiiiiiigh.

Here’s “The Burner”, one category of hippie that I belong to.

Here’s the artist’s depiction of a “wook”.

Wook definition. I usually see wooks in grocery store parking lots and ignore them.

And now, completely unrelated (so what else is new?), are some pictures of me as a child:

Speaking of hippie watching. My father’s beard is hilarious.

The good old bowl haircut.

Obviously I’ve always been fond of tiaras.

Ugh, yesterday at work was not so great, and then, to top things off, I saw a little girl flicking the light switch in a hallway on and off, on and off, and I walked up to her and said, in my best “little kid friendly” voice, “Hi!” and she walked right up to me and shoved me in the stomach. What the fuck? Not only am I incapable of getting pregnant*, but now this? Children are literally pushing me away? It’s a sign! IT’S A SIGN!

I’m going to take Maggie with me to work today. She’s friendly and outgoing and does much better with large amounts of people than Molly does, who cowered under my desk the last time I tried bringing her to work. I need dog love today.

* Okay so we’ve only been “trying” for two months and I’m not worried about it. Some days I want to have children, other days, like yesterday, not so much.

Let’s finish up recapping 2009 (the creative/good parts):

June (continued)

The Boy and I start working on our Burning Man bikes (he does most of the work, but I sprayed on the glitter)

- after smoking for only two days, my mother magically figures out that I’m smoking again by the sound of my voice over the phone (creepy)
- we get Molly fixed (hooray)
- I make the Boy a fabulous pair of silver liquid lame pants

Corinne, the Boy, and I attend our first Seattle Gay Pride.

I LOVED IT!

July

Completed a DIY bicycle seat cover (easy).

- discover (after only a month of smoking again) that flavored tobacco is going to be banned. Feel a mixture of sadness/relief.

The Boy and I go on our first camping trip together.

It was cold and rainy the entire time…and it was fabulous.

Made this dress (also not worn at BM)

“Enhanced” a boring white hat

August

Made this dress

The infamous torn dress incident

- the Boy and I celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary

Completed this painting for raffle to raise money for our BM camp

Enhanced a thrifted vest with neon stars

Enhanced some pajama pants for the Boy

Finishing touches on my bike

Finishing touches on the Boy’s bike

Enhanced backpack for BM (I did get a lot of use out of this)

BURNING MAN! Third burn for Corinne and I, first burn for the Boy, best burn ever.

Two of my crazy-ass uncles attend BM for their first time as well. I made them the blue cloak/pink tunic.

Thank you Rock Star Orphans for being one kick-ass group to camp with.

The Boy and I move into a house (finally) on 1/2 acre with a forest in the backyard. YES.

My sister-in-law has Ronia (the first baby I have ever fallen in love with).

Complete “Shalom Pink”, based off a photo of the ever-fabulous model Shalom Harlow.

October

Complete “Paisley #1″

Completed “Smoke and Lipgloss”

- smoke my last vanilla cigarette

Complete “Back #1″

Complete “Glitter Rainbow”

Complete “Back #2″

The Boy and I throw our annual Halloween Party

November
- we quit smoking (I was unhappy about it until I started listening to my hypnosis c.d.s again and re-read the Allen Carr book–now, I’m really happy I quit smoking, and don’t even think about it)(plus I haven’t gained ANY weight!)

Rediscover a book I wrote at age 13 at my parent’s house and decide to re-type it (still in progress)(it’s a long ass book)

- I sob over a Kate Bush song while watching the gas-inducing “She’s Having a Baby”, the first time I’ve had a good cry since February 2008

The Boy completes this painting for his cousin of her children. She loves it!

The Boy and I participate in “Buy Nothing Day”.

The neon snowsuit enters our lives (thank GOD)

December
- make another youtube video blathering about paintings

Finished platform shoe painting, in frame that I painted myself. The longer this painting sticks around the more attached I become…

Finished lucite grapes painting, with frame that I painted myself.

My 30th birfday. The Boy throws me a “Harold and Maude” celebration. Those paper flowers are still on the walls (I can’t bring myself to take them down) (also I’m seriously considering laminating them)

- Kissy sends me a Big Gay Package (always needed)
- Corinne, the Boy and I go to “The Santaland Diaries” show (so good!)

Complete “Glitter Divine” (I love it!)

The Boy and I slave over our Adbusters-esque Christmas card

I finally make one of those tacky glitter-encrusted wreaths I’ve been obsessing over for years

I make a birthday card for Kissy (one of my all-time favorite handmade cards)

Completed Abby painting for my mother’s Christmas present. She loved it. She’s toting it all over town–to the gym, to Starbucks, showing it off to everyone (even the plumber, I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!).

Completed Sally painting for my father’s Christmas present. He was impressed, which is very high praise coming from my father because he’s never been very impressed with my art. At all.

Painted/glittered a plain wooden frame for the Joan painting.

Spent my first Christmas away from home, and although I got the sads I am still 100% happy that I married into such an awesome family. I’m very blessed.

Duuuude. That recap took waaay too long. So long, 2009, you were a good year for me, a terrible year for everyone I know!

Here’s hoping 2010 kicks 2009′s ass!

I did a recap last year and I’m gonna do it again–’cause people with A.D.D. like lists.

What did I do in 2009? Creatively, I mean. Who wants to rehash all the whining and complaining?

January

Completed “Salome”, based off a self-portrait from one of my favorite photographers on Flickr, Vorfas. Not for sale.

Self-portrait session producing photos that I have tried to reproduce in paint TWICE–and have painted over both times, much to the Boy’s irritation. Maybe someday…maybe these photos weren’t meant to be painted?

- bought a “Happy Light” (haven’t needed that for a while) (I’m full of female hormones now)

- the kick-off of a fairly long obsession with hooping that led to the inevitable burn out (like if I watch one more hooping video on the youtubes I’m gonna puke)

Completed Kate Moss painting, which I have never liked and have come very very close to painting over. The Boy seems to think I should not paint over my paintings. I’ll consider it.

- started working again, after a 6 month hiatus of being a “stay at home artist” (producing waaaay too much guilt)

February

Loaned Corinne the Francesca painting and taught her how to hoop (sort of) (more like the Youtubes taught her, just like they taught me).

Made the infamous Dress that Tore All the Way up the Back during a Fancy Dinner

Got my Burning Man ticket! After 5 years of obsessing obsessing obsessssssing.

Made this obnoxious dress.

Conquered my fear of sewing sequin trim (important).

Completed this painting, based off a photo of model Angela Lindvall (credits…?).

Made a dress out of this sequined fabric…

…thereby overcoming my fear of sequined fabric (also shedding sequins all over the house, forever).

Made this dress (never did wear it at BM–I had, of course, too many costumes, sigh).

Maggie and Molly discover the joy of eating poop on the ground (not their OWN poop).

Stacey introduces me to Harry’s Filters, which allow me to gain a whole different perspective on my photos without ingesting hallucinogens (hooray!). Also I made that dress.

For some reason I become obsessed with rompers:

Ugh, God, “age appropriate, Liz”, thank you James St. James, love youuuuu.

Finished “Spring Fancy”.

- Molly goes into heat (gross)

March

Watched/fell in love with “Let the Right One In” (I looked like Oskar as a child)

Romper obsession is furthered by my sewing a romper (sigh).

- made a Youtube video whining about not selling any paintings
- sold a painting (hmm…) “Hoop Love”
- sold another painting “Bubble” to blogfriend phx

Fell in love with “We Love Colors” (the above photo is one of my most “interesting” on Flickr, whatever that means)

- discover a show that is 100% up my alley, “Ru Paul’s Drag Race“.

Complete “The Dreamer”, based on a Missoni ad with Kate Moss.

Complete “Afro Love”, based on a photo of Naomi Campbell. I love this painting!

Made my first bikini (easy) using Ye Olde Acid Fabric, circa liz ravewear 2002 (God, dinosaur).

Complete the Hibiscus painting (still love it).

April

Complete “Elegance” (sold).

Complete “Neon Nina”, of the fabulous Nina Hahhhhhgen. Still glittery. Still for sale!

May

Took this self-portrait, later turned into a successful painting.

June

Bought this rainbow tutu on Etsy (didn’t even break it out at BM–sigh).

Got highlights for the first time (shhh).

Completed “Grapes on Yellow” (sold).

Completed “Edie Glitter Stars” which is still, for some reason, with me. Ahem?

- switched over to WordPress! I’m happy! Happy! (it took a while)

FINALLY bought a flowered swim cap–THANK GOD.

Completed “Jackie Curtis”. Still with me!

The neon wig certainly improved my quality of life.

- started smoking again, after EIGHT MONTHS of not smoking (ugh)
- made another youtube video slutting out my paintings, and promptly sold two paintings (who knew?)

- reconnected with someone from my past, in a positive way…

GOOD GOD THIS is taking way too long. Um…Part 2 tomorrow?

Happy New Year, blog logs.